"I wonder what we hear all the time If 'MONEY TALKS'. You hear it shout 'GOODBYE' all the time!"
Wanna speak to someone
"Many time I really wanna start speaking to someone but just don't have the courage to start conversation with them.. Did it happen to You?"
Remembering something funny.
"I am so uncontrollable because sometimes I randomly burst out laughing when I remember something funny."
You’re Worthless
"You’re the jelly to my burger,
the knife to my soup,
the glitter to my sushi,
and the ketchup to my icecream.
My point is, you’re worthless."
the knife to my soup,
the glitter to my sushi,
and the ketchup to my icecream.
My point is, you’re worthless."
Strong Enough
"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have."
Quit drinking
"I don't want to quit drinking because, as they say, winners never quit and quitters never win."
Understanding them
Women make me happy. Once accepting that i will never be able to understand them makes me more happier.
For women
"If American politics are too dirty for women to take part in, there's something wrong with American politics."
Looking at a lake
"I'm an old-fashioned guy... I want to be an old man with a beer belly sitting on a porch, looking at a lake or something."
Chemistry
"Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it."
Two kinds of people
"The world is divided into two kinds of people: those who have tattoos, and those who are afraid of people with tattoos."
Real woman
"How do you know that you are a real woman? I don't get hot flashes, I get power surges!"
This game
"You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work."
Life and death
"Some people think football is a matter of life and death; I can assure them it is much more serious than that."
Ups and downs
What do they mean with "the ups and downs of life"?
Sometimes you are the bird and sometimes you are the windshield!
Sometimes you are the bird and sometimes you are the windshield!
Children do things
"Why do children do things that they know will get them into trouble? Because forgiveness is easier to get than permission!"
Lot of times
"I think a lot of times we don't pay enough attention to people with a positive attitude because we assume they are naive or stupid or unschooled."
If work was so good
"If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves."
You think you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s only some bugger with a torch bringing you more work.
Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence that you tried.
Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.
The reason I put “If it’s in you, I’ll find it” is, if I waste good time and money looking for it, and see it’s definitely not in you, I don’t wanna be sued ‘cos you haven’t got it, so, you know, not gonna get me on that.
You think you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s only some bugger with a torch bringing you more work.
Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence that you tried.
Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.
The reason I put “If it’s in you, I’ll find it” is, if I waste good time and money looking for it, and see it’s definitely not in you, I don’t wanna be sued ‘cos you haven’t got it, so, you know, not gonna get me on that.
Hilarious Travel Quotes and Sayings
People love traveling. It gives amazing experience of life and broaden your view. But humorists have not left this subject from being punched. So here are hilarious travel quotes to enjoy.
Traveling is seeing; it is the implicit that we travel by.
- Cynthia Ozick
Traveling is seeing; it is the implicit that we travel by.
- Cynthia Ozick
Funny Quotes on/for Bikes
'Guys and girls are crazy and passionate about bikes. They love to go for a speedy ride. So here are some cool funny quotes to be written on bikes or on riding to show your attitude, style and feelings.'
Yeah, it's my Grand pa's Road! Got problem?
I do not snore. I just dream - I am a Motorcycle!
Keep honking. I’m reloading.
I love to go out ride her hard get her Dirty and then bring her home to a nice Bubble bath out in my yard.
Even don cant catch me'
Free rides for beautiful gals!!
"I'd rather be riding my motorcycle thinking about God than sitting in church thinking about my motorcycle."
Hell on wheels...
Beside me or behind me... Real women don't ride bitch.
I need men for some things, riding a motorcycle is not one of them' :)
if you are bad... I am your dad...
Save a horse, ride a Harley!
I'm a Harley bitch, just not yours.
If i ride the bike heads will turn, roads will burn
An intellectual is a man who doesn't know how to park a bike.
At my age, it's the best way to get major thrusts pumping between my thighs"
I am not a playboy but i know how to play...
Twist me.
Some people came to me to say that my Dog bite people on Bike!
I wondered because my Dog has no BIKE!
If you can read this, I left him at home.
Girls + Bike = Freedom
If you're gonna ride my ass, might as well pull my hair!
Knees to the breeze and do as you please.
Deal with it...girls ride too!
I hate all the Girls but you..
What's the quality of the text? `Text is printed on high quality paper.'
Yeah, it's my Grand pa's Road! Got problem?
I do not snore. I just dream - I am a Motorcycle!
Keep honking. I’m reloading.
I love to go out ride her hard get her Dirty and then bring her home to a nice Bubble bath out in my yard.
Even don cant catch me'
Free rides for beautiful gals!!
"I'd rather be riding my motorcycle thinking about God than sitting in church thinking about my motorcycle."
Hell on wheels...
Beside me or behind me... Real women don't ride bitch.
I need men for some things, riding a motorcycle is not one of them' :)
if you are bad... I am your dad...
Save a horse, ride a Harley!
I'm a Harley bitch, just not yours.
If i ride the bike heads will turn, roads will burn
An intellectual is a man who doesn't know how to park a bike.
At my age, it's the best way to get major thrusts pumping between my thighs"
I am not a playboy but i know how to play...
Twist me.
Some people came to me to say that my Dog bite people on Bike!
I wondered because my Dog has no BIKE!
If you can read this, I left him at home.
Girls + Bike = Freedom
If you're gonna ride my ass, might as well pull my hair!
Knees to the breeze and do as you please.
Deal with it...girls ride too!
I hate all the Girls but you..
What's the quality of the text? `Text is printed on high quality paper.'
Keep enjoying with More Funny Quotes. Cheers
Funny Interesting Quotes to Jest with Friends
'It seems so boring when you are with friends and you don't find any topic to speak on. Don't worry, Here are funny interesting quotes to jest, taunt and giggle with friends.'
My favorite line: "I'll do it later.
I look at some of my friends and think: why the hell do I love this retard?
My favorite line: "I'll do it later.
I look at some of my friends and think: why the hell do I love this retard?
Funny Tablets Quotes - Mobile Sayings
If water-proof tablets were invented, I think I would get a lot more work done in the shower.
I do not always lose my phone, but when I do, its always on silent mode.
Look for when the environment is changing - the big shift now is mobile Internet. It's really happening big-time. The way you interact with services on a smart phone compared to the Web is quite different, so there's a huge opportunity.
- Niklas Zennstrom
My sweet phone: Sometimes I drop you, say I hate you, throw you, lose you. I forget about you but I just can not live without you.
We will have more Internet, larger numbers of users, more mobile access, more speed, more things online and more appliances we can control over the Internet.
- Vinton Cerf
Today there are hundreds of millions of mobile devices, but you do have to know a bit about what each device is capable of doing in order to approach it as a developer.
- John Fowler
In the film, I'm not very mobile, like in the space suit.
- Verne Troyer
Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest.
- Neil Kinnock
Read more amazing Top 100 Funny Quotes to have unlimited laughter.
I do not always lose my phone, but when I do, its always on silent mode.
Look for when the environment is changing - the big shift now is mobile Internet. It's really happening big-time. The way you interact with services on a smart phone compared to the Web is quite different, so there's a huge opportunity.
- Niklas Zennstrom
My sweet phone: Sometimes I drop you, say I hate you, throw you, lose you. I forget about you but I just can not live without you.
We will have more Internet, larger numbers of users, more mobile access, more speed, more things online and more appliances we can control over the Internet.
- Vinton Cerf
Today there are hundreds of millions of mobile devices, but you do have to know a bit about what each device is capable of doing in order to approach it as a developer.
- John Fowler
In the film, I'm not very mobile, like in the space suit.
- Verne Troyer
Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest.
- Neil Kinnock
Read more amazing Top 100 Funny Quotes to have unlimited laughter.
Self control
Self control: The ultimate ability to prevent myself from beating the bad names out of someone who desperately needs it.
Imagining in class
You must be thinking of it now! See, there are lots of things we are forced to learn but when it comes to practical life, their usage is almost zero. So this cute student sitting in the class and getting surprise that when he gonna use it in future. I hope you won't ask this from your tutor.
That Awkward Moment
That Awkward Moment when you have not wear anything, trying to get dressed and your pet is staring at you.
37 Funny Quotes For Happy Day
'Make your day happy and entertaining with these 37 cute, innocent, rare but so humorous funny saying quotes.'
1. There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and.
- Brad Ramsey
1a. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
- Henny Youngman
2. I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.
- Gilda Radner
3. Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.
- Sam Ewing
4. Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
- Groucho Marx
5. Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
- Rene Descartes
6. I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
- Alan Coren
7. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
- Groucho Marx
8. No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not.
- H.L. Mencken
9. The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy.
- Unknown
10.Reality is a hallucination brought on by lack of alcohol.
- Unknown
11. Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
- Fran Lebowit
12. How I see it is that men get one night of pleasure, and we get nine months of putting them through hell and getting away with it.
- Sara Swank
13. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments, soccer games, romances, best friends, location of friend's houses, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
- Unknown
14. The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back.
- Franklin Jones
15. There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- Steven Wright
16. The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided.
- Casey Stengal
17. Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen or oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
- Dave Berry
18. Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.
- Proverb
19. When a husband brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
- Molly McGee
20. Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.
- Sam Ewing
21. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
- Unknown
22. If you think something small can't make a difference, try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room.
- Unknown
23. Men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong, and disposable.
- Mrs. White, Clue
24. Have no fear of perfection--you'll never reach it.
- Salvador Dali
25. After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why the doctors wear masks in the operating room.
- Unknown
26. Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother c
27. Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big.
- George Carlin
28. School is like a lollipop. It sucks until it is gone.
- Ashley Salvati
29. Anyone seen in a bus over the age of 30 has been a failure in life.
- Loelia, Duchess of Westminster
30. Children are the most expensive form of entertainment.
- Mihaela Iosof
31. The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
- "Smile" Zingers
32. For there is nothing either good or bad, thinking makes it so.
- William Shakespeare
33. I'm strong, I'm tough, I still wear my eyeliner.
- Lisa Leslie
34. If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.
- Doug Larson
35. I have no data yet. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories instead of theories to suit facts.
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
36. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
37. You've reached middle age when all you exercise is caution."
- Unknown
1. There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and.
- Brad Ramsey
1a. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
- Henny Youngman
2. I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.
- Gilda Radner
3. Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.
- Sam Ewing
4. Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
- Groucho Marx
5. Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
- Rene Descartes
6. I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
- Alan Coren
7. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
- Groucho Marx
8. No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not.
- H.L. Mencken
9. The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy.
- Unknown
10.Reality is a hallucination brought on by lack of alcohol.
- Unknown
11. Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
- Fran Lebowit
12. How I see it is that men get one night of pleasure, and we get nine months of putting them through hell and getting away with it.
- Sara Swank
13. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments, soccer games, romances, best friends, location of friend's houses, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
- Unknown
14. The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back.
- Franklin Jones
15. There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- Steven Wright
16. The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided.
- Casey Stengal
17. Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen or oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
- Dave Berry
18. Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.
- Proverb
19. When a husband brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
- Molly McGee
20. Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.
- Sam Ewing
21. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
- Unknown
22. If you think something small can't make a difference, try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room.
- Unknown
23. Men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong, and disposable.
- Mrs. White, Clue
24. Have no fear of perfection--you'll never reach it.
- Salvador Dali
25. After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why the doctors wear masks in the operating room.
- Unknown
26. Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother c
27. Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big.
- George Carlin
28. School is like a lollipop. It sucks until it is gone.
- Ashley Salvati
29. Anyone seen in a bus over the age of 30 has been a failure in life.
- Loelia, Duchess of Westminster
30. Children are the most expensive form of entertainment.
- Mihaela Iosof
31. The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
- "Smile" Zingers
32. For there is nothing either good or bad, thinking makes it so.
- William Shakespeare
33. I'm strong, I'm tough, I still wear my eyeliner.
- Lisa Leslie
34. If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.
- Doug Larson
35. I have no data yet. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories instead of theories to suit facts.
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
36. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
37. You've reached middle age when all you exercise is caution."
- Unknown
Everytime you able to find some humor in difficult situation, you win
Also read Funny Jokes here